A very important part of adapting a masculine mindset is to realize you have to take control of your life. It’s not an easy thing to get started with and the phrase itself is not very clear. It could mean anything. Let me see if I can clear up the why, who and most important, how.
Why men have to take control of their lives: Men have to take control of their own lives because nobody else will. If you want to be successful in your own way, nobody is going to give that to you. Sure you can’t control everything but don’t lie to yourself and control the things you can.
Want to read an introduction to the Masculine Mindset? Start with this article (click).
What does taking control mean?
Taking control of your life means that you have the power to influence the direction your life is going in.
Some things you can control
There are thing you clearly have control over. Most people have a free will and they can make decisions. If you have free will and you can make decisions, you have the ability to change things.
Decisions also cascade into other decisions and influence things you might have thought you didn’t have control over.
You can’t control everything
It’s only fair to admit there are many things in everyone’s lives that you have very little control over. A meteor might fall out of the sky and end everything. It’s not likely to happen but it’s something you can’t possibly control.
There are more things like that in life. How do you know which ones you can’t control and which ones you can?
Be honest to yourself!
Many people lie to themselves about many things. They think that they can’t do certain things even though they’ve never really tried. They think other people are working against them even though those other people couldn’t care less about them. Maybe they think that their decisions have no impact on their life.
If you have any beliefs that you are being held back by something or someone, be really honest to yourself. Are those beliefs true or am i just lying to myself?
Why would people lie to themselves? Because it’s easier.
If you think you can’t control anything, you have an explanation/excuse for being where you are in life, especially if it’s not in the place you want. Not having control, alleviates you of having the responsibility. It means it’s not your fault if you fail.
On the flipside, if you’re in the mindset that you have control over many things, it means you have to take action to make the best of those things. Action is more difficult than inaction. On top of that, a failure in one of those areas means it’s your own fault. This is uncomfortable to realize.
That’s why many people will refuse to take responsibility for themselves.
Why take control of your life?
Not everyone might see why they would have to take control of their life.
Well, if you are perfectly happy, you might not have to work on this aspect of your mindset. Why would you?
If you’re not happy at the moment, your life isn’t going anywhere, you feel unfulfilled, etc. That’s why you have to take control of your life.
When you start taking control, making the right decisions, you can alleviate a lot of those feelings. If you feel like you’re in control of your life, or at least more than before, you will feel better. You don’t have to be a prisoner in your own mind.
If you don’t take control, you end up feeling like you’re not in control all the time and are just living your life like you’re on train tracks without a way to make a turn or stop where you want.
So in short;
- You will feel more motivated and fulfilled
- You can go where you want to go in life
Are you the best man you could be? Check out the program “Masculine Core”. It’ll help you awaken the masculine that’s waiting inside of you.
Who has to take control of their life?
This is a pretty easy question to answer. Everyone. If you’re already doing it, great, keep going. There is a group of people that should pay extra attention here though.
If you feel stuck and there is no real progression in your life and you’re not happy with that, you should certainly take more control.
How do you take control of your life?
Now to the most important part of this article, how can you actually take control?
1. Assess your life
Take a look at your life. Are you where you want to be? Are you doing the things you want to do? Are your relationships as you would like them to be?
Realizing that you might have a problem is a good start. It’s the place you can start from. Running a race without knowing where to start is pretty difficult. Knowing where to show up is a necessary step to winning a race.
This might sound a bit like a 12 step program but, rest assured, there are only 5.
2. Be honest with yourself
This point has already been mentioned before but, it’s an important one.
Not being honest with themselves is why many people fail to progress. They lie to themselves about all kind of things. Often times, people will put the blame for their situation on others/the world/God/the universe/etc.
While there are certainly horrible things in people’s lives that can be caused by one or more of those, there are also parts that you are responsible for yourself.
That’s where you have to be honest with yourself. Really make an effort to see your own hand in the situation you’re in. Even if it’s just one area where you can see your own responsibility that’s a good start.
Seeing that you are responsible for some things yourself, means you can control it.
3. Take responsibility
After you see what you might be able to control, it’s time to accept responsibility for it.
That can be difficult since when you are the one in control and you are responsible, means it’s likely your fault if you fail. Since people don’t like to fail, they don’t want to admit or accept responsibility even though it could improve their life.
Not your responsibility?
Take another look at areas of your life where you think you’re not responsible. If you think you’re not responsible for the problem and the problem is not your fault, should you take control of the situation and is that even possible? There are two options;
- Some situations are completely out of your control. It sucks, life isn’t fair. Try to do what you can to improve the situation. Giving up isn’t going to help you. You should pick your battles however. Some things cannot be changed and it would be a waste of energy to try.
- Some other situations might not be your responsibility but they can be somewhat controlled. If you perceive this situation as a problem or something you would like to be better, take the responsibility. It’s the only way to improve. Don’t rely on other people to do it, they have shown not to be able to. It’s up to you.
4. Set goals
Just like you need to know where to start a race, you need to know where the finish line is. If you start running in the wrong direction, you’re never going to win.
From step 1,2 and 3 you should have discovered;
- Which things you would like to improve in your life
- Which things you are going to take control over
Now it’s time to think about what the end result will look like. Where do you want to be in 1, 2, 5, 10, 15, 20, etc. years? What do your relationships look like, where do you want to be in your career, etc. Whatever is important to you.
Write down these end goals somewhere where you can see them from time to time. It’s important to see them from time to time to; A. Remember where you’re going and B. Know how far you’ve come.
In setting your goals, be realistic. If you’re 5’1, don’t set a goal to become a NBA player. That’s not going to happen.
Be realistic but at the same time, set a goal that will make you happy and proud once you reach it.
5. Start taking action
Nothing is going to change without taking concrete action. Start doing something!!
Taking the first action is difficult. But once you get into the habit, it becomes easier to take action. Think of pushing a car. It’s easier to keep it going once it’s rolling than to start pushing from a standstill. You can’t only start pushing once it’s going however. You have to start from a standstill and push through that part.
You’ve got your goals. That’s the finish line. Just like a race, you can’t reach the finish line in one step. You’ll have to take many steps and break a sweat to finish.
To reach your goals, break the journey there up into many steps. Take steps you feel you can handle. Then the next one and the next one, etc.
To know which steps to take, look back at your goals. That’s your direction. If you have to make a decision, think; “Which decision will take me closer to my goal?” Take that decision.
If that doesn’t make it clearer, ask the following question; “Which decision will take me further away from my goal?” Obviously you should avoid this decision.
Good luck improving your life day by day!
Are you the best man you could be? Check out the program “Masculine Core”. It’ll help you awaken the masculine that’s waiting inside of you. Alternatively, read some of the post below.
- Masculine Mindset [Introduction]
- Masculine Traits and behavior
- What makes a man masculine?
- What does toxic masculinity mean? Does it even exist?
Hi there. I’m BetterDaily. I’m a man in his early thirties that likes to travel, ride motorcycles, work out and write. Usually I write about men, things related to masculinity and things men like. Teacher by day, blogger by night.