Man caves get a bad rep sometimes. Some people think they’re horribly sexist while others think that you need a room to get away from your life and you must be a weak man that has to hide. So is it a masculine thing to want or have a man cave? Let’s find out.
Want to know more about what man caves are and their purpose? Check out this article.
Table of Contents
Are man caves masculine?
Masculinity
To be able to answer that question we must first know what masculinity actually is. In this article I think I did a decent job of explaining what some masculine traits are. Here is a quick list of masculine traits from that article.
Masculine traits:
- Assertiveness
- Industriousness
- More interested in abstract ideas and concepts. (Facts over feels)
- Strength
- Courage
- Independence
- Violence
- Protectiveness
- Competitiveness
- Sexual appetite
- Passion
- Confidence
This is not an exhaustive list and everyone is different. These are traits that are traditionally seen as masculine.
Man caves and masculinity
So now we know what masculine traits are, how does that help us to see if man caves are masculine or not?
We can see which traits are relevant to wanting a man cave and why. If these traits make you masculine, it makes sense that making them stronger makes you more masculine. So if a man cave has a positive effect on these traits we can say it’s a masculine thing to have one.
Let’s get into the possible effects of a man cave.
Assertiveness
What does assertiveness have to do with man caves, you might wonder? Well wanting and having a man cave influences assertiveness in different ways.
Negotiation
If you are alone you can just decide you want one and make it happen. If you’re living with a partner it becomes a bit more difficult. You will likely need to negotiate. You’ll have to be assertive to make clear to your partner that you want it. Most likely you’ll get some pushback and questions about the whole thing when you bring it up. To be able to defend why you want it and why your partner shouldn’t make a problem out of it, you need to be assertive.
Example:
You: I want to convert the spare bedroom into a man cave for my hobbies.
Partner: Why do you want that? I don’t think it’s a good idea.
You: I don’t know what I was thinking, you’re right.
There was no assertiveness from your side in this conversation. That means it’s not happening. You’ll need to bring a little bit more than this to get what you want. Don’t be aggressive, just make clear what you want and why in a confident and composed way. If you need to practice this, good! You’ll be more masculine before you even get your man cave.
Identity
After you get your man cave it might influence your assertiveness in a different way. Many men use their man cave to get back in touch with themselves, find their identity and improve themselves. These things will improve your confidence and self-knowledge.
In turn a higher confidence and self-knowledge can improve your assertiveness. If you are more certain about who you are and what you want, you can likely communicate better about those things as well.
Withdrawing
If you just want to use your man cave to withdraw yourself from your life, family and problems, that’s not going to help with your assertiveness. It will likely lower your self-confidence which will result in lower assertiveness.
Passion
Women often list passion as attractive in a man. Many men think this means they have to be passionate about the woman in their life. While they might like that for a little while, I don’t think it’s what women mean when they’re talking about passionate men. They want someone that is passionate about something outside of them.
A passionate man is a man that is almost obsessed with a thing, activity or goal. He will spend as much time as he can afford reaching that goal, getting better at a certain activity and tinkering/interacting with the object.
Famous guitar players spend hours a day just practicing without anyone around. Michael Jordan’s high school coach is quoted saying: “I had to kick him out of the gym”. Drag racers will tinker with their cars endlessly to get a tiny edge.
These people don’t do it because of the money although money is involved. They do it because they’re passionate about those things.
Developing passion
Having your own man cave can help you become a more passionate person. You will have your own space where you can indulge in the things you like without being disturbed. It gives you the time, space and freedom to develop your passion.
Confidence
I already touched on confidence a little bit under assertiveness but let’s take another look at it.
How can a man cave influence your confidence or self-confidence to be more specific? If you’re self-confident you believe in your own abilities, qualities and judgment.
A man cave can help you improve your abilities. You’ll have time and space to practice the things you find important and are passionate about. You’ll become better at them and that will make you more confident in turn.
Another way a man cave can influence self-confidence is by helping you (re)discover your identity. If you feel that your true identity and the persona you’re displaying to the world are far apart, you won’t feel very confident about yourself. Getting back in touch with your real identity and becoming confident in your own strengths (and weaknesses) will help you become a more confident person.
Independence
With independence I mean you can be your own person, not independence from a country or oppressor.
You want to be an independent person in the way where you can do the things you like. Be the person you want to be. You take responsibility for your obligations and decisions and can take care of yourself.
A man cave can help you become independent in a couple of ways.
If you are more confident and assertive (as described above), you are more likely to do what you think is right for you without caring too much what others think.
You will also have a space to do what you want without being reliant on someone else.
Finally you’ll have time to think about your life in your man cave. If you use this time right, you can be better informed and make better decisions. If you make less stupid decisions under the influence of social pressures, your life will improve and you’ll become more independent.
Interested in abstract concepts and ideas
Men are more interested in abstract ideas and inanimate objects than women are. That means at least one of your hobbies is likely to be something your partner is absolutely not interested in.
If you have your own man cave, it’s a win-win situation. You can have all the things that are related to that hobby in one space without anything getting touched by anyone else. On the other side your partner doesn’t have to deal with all the things around the house she has no interest in.
If you’re looking for more information about man caves and their inhabitants? This article describes what kind of man wants his own man cave.
Negative effects
Disclaimer; I’m not saying that these effects are absolutely negative. They’re negative if you want to nourish your masculinity.
If you don’t have the right motivation or withdraw in your man cave while you should be doing something else is not a masculine thing to do.
Courage
If you want your own personal space to get away from your problems, it won’t make you feel very good about yourself. Your problems won’t go away by themselves and might even get worse if you don’t fix them.
Running away from problems is not courageous; it’s the opposite. And you will know it’s not courageous while you’re doing it. This will also make you less confident and assertive.
Fixing your problems might be difficult but in the end it will be better for everyone involved.
Read more in this article about why you SHOULDN’T have a man cave.
So, are man caves masculine?
Man caves themselves aren’t anything. It’s just a space. It’s all about what you do in there. You will have the possibility to improve your life, become more confident, independent and passionate. Those are all masculine traits. Be careful though, if you’re just looking for an escape plan you might not get the results you’re looking for.
Want to know how to make your man cave more masculine? Check out this article.
Hi there. I’m BetterDaily. I’m a man in his early thirties that likes to travel, ride motorcycles, work out and write. Usually I write about men, things related to masculinity and things men like. Teacher by day, blogger by night.
