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Why does my man retreat into his man cave?

Your man got his man cave and now spends way too much time in there for your liking. Why does he do that and what can you do about it? There are different reasons why men like to spend time in their man cave. Let’s what they are and what amount of time is normal.

Purpose of a man cave


To understand why men use their man caves, it’s useful to know what the purpose is. If you know the purpose of something, it’s easier to understand why people use it. While it doesn’t provide all the answers, it’s a good start.

To know more about what the purposes of man caves are, read this post.(click)

What’s a normal amount of time to spend in a man cave?


Whether you like it or not, it’s fine for a man to spend some time in his man cave. Everyone needs some alone time or time to spend with friends. There is nothing wrong with that.

If you’re reading this, you’re almost certainly not concerned that this time is too short. So that’s why I’ll be focusing on the other extreme. If you want your husband to spend more time in his man cave, just reverse the solutions at the bottom of this post.

Normal

So, what is a normal amount of time to spend in your man cave? That is obviously different for everyone. People have different personalities and have different requirements for alone time and time to spend with friends.

For most people spending a couple of hours alone while working on a hobby or something similar is perfectly normal.

It’s easier to look at what amount of time is NOT normal.

Not normal

Again it depends on the situation but, there are some indicators that the amount of time spent in the man cave is not normal.

  • Staying the night in the man cave.
  • Not wanting to spend time with other people.
  • Foregoing too many other activities in favor of staying in the man cave.

 But I also have to qualify those statements immediately. If the man cave is a shed in the woods, it makes perfect sense to stay there for the night.

Are the people he doesn’t want to spend time with people he would usually like to hang out with?

Are the other activities things he enjoys to do? Are they necessary?

Why do men go into their man cave?


What can cause men to go into their man cave for an “abnormal” amount of time? There can be several reasons. Let’s explore some of the most important ones.

Retreat

Yes, it’s possible that a man wants to retreat into his own space. Retreating is something you do when you feel attacked or in danger. There can be several reasons for this.

If someone retreats, you can do so from different things;

  • Other people
  • Problems
  • Noises, smells, etc.

Obviously it’s better to solve problems than to run away from them. Sometimes the problems are related to other people. Other people cannot be controlled. You can control yourself. So removing yourself from those people and go somewhere else, solves the problem to some degree.

If this is the case, try improving the environment so your man doesn’t feel the need to retreat. Not creating extra stress after he comes home from work and making sure he can relax at some time without being disturbed would be a good start for most people.

If your man is actually retreating, try to make the environment less hostile. Or you could just let him be for as long as necessary. If he’s not in there for days without coming out, there is not too much to worry about.

Recharge

Sometimes people just need alone time and some time to recharge. It has nothing to do with retreating.

Everyone needs to rest and recharge at times. How people do this is very different from person to person. Without a place to recharge, at some point the battery will be empty. For some men this place is their man cave. It’s where they can get some energy for the rest of the day/week.

There don’t have to be any problems to create the need to recharge. While stress is probably one of the biggest reasons why people have to recharge, this is not an indication that something is wrong. Stress is a normal part of daily life.

Develop

Man caves can also be used for personal development. While it may not look like it from the outside, there are men who actually use it in this way.

That personal development can take many forms. Just thinking can be a form of personal development. So can working on a hobby.

Relax

The most likely reason why a man uses his man cave is because he enjoys it. It’s a room that is decorated and set up in a way he prefers. It makes perfect sense that he would want to spend time there. He can relax, enjoy his hobbies, hang out with friends etc.

Relaxing isn’t necessarily recharging but it’s closely related.

Conclusion

In short, most reasons for men to go into their man caves are for perfectly normal reasons. They want to go there to relax, enjoy their hobbies, etc. There are some cases where there is a problem and the man cave becomes a place to escape that problem.

Suggested post: Why you shouldn’t have a man cave

What’s the problem?


A man going into his man cave for long periods of time could be an indication of problems. It doesn’t have to be however. There can be plenty of reasons why he wants to spend his time there. It’s a place for him after all. If there are problems, it could be many things as well. There isn’t a single answer.

So you think your man’s time in his man cave is excessive and would like him to spend more time outside of it?

Men like to solve hear a problem they can solve.  Just some baseless nagging is not going to help anything. It’s probably going to do the opposite by giving him more reasons to stay in his man cave.

Try to answer some questions before you start complaining.

  • What exactly is the problem?
  • What do you want from him to solve the problem?
  • What can you do to fix the problem?
  • Is it my business to bother him with this?

Maybe you discover that there isn’t a big problem at all and that the time he’s in his man cave is not actually a problem. Or maybe small adjustment could make both parties happy.

But, unless the time spent in the man cave is really excessive, you probably shouldn’t make a big deal out of it.