You might have hear the phrase, “Nice guys finish last”. Well, there might be a good reason for that. You probably shouldn’t be aiming to be a “nice guy” but a gentleman instead. What is wrong with a nice guys and how can you avoid the mistakes they make? Keep reading to find out.
Nice guy meme
There is a good chance you already know what “the internet” means when it mentions nice guys. If not, this video should give you a good indication of what it is.
From watching that video, it should be pretty clear that you don’t want to be a nice guy. It won’t produce the results in life you’re looking for.
What makes a guy “nice”? Most things that make a nice guy nice have to do with his interactions with women. It also spills over into the rest of his behavior however.
Some “Nice guy” symptoms;
- They will tell you or signal otherwise how “nice” they are.
- Can be very pushy because they feel like they’re the “nicest” person ever.
- Often takes pride in being weird/quirky.
- Has many ideas about why he isn’t as popular as he should be in his mind. Mostly blaming the moral deficiencies of other people around him.
- They will put down other men for all kinds of things. (usually things they don’t do/possess themselves and feel insecure about it)
- “Nice guys” think they are more deserving of attention than the people who get it.
- They are a manipulative. They think they deserve something just for being “nice”.
- Nice guys avoid conflict. They want to keep everyone happy.
- Nice guys lie. To themselves and others. They do this to protect their ego. They must keep up the, very transparent, façade that they are better than other people.
- They think of women as the prize for doing/saying the “right” things. And since they are doing the “right” thing, the women who reject them are wrong/bad in their mind.
- Because the women are “bad” for rejecting them, they feel justified berating them.
- They don’t take responsibility for what’s happening in their lives. It’s always other people’s fault.
If you recognize some symptoms in your own life, consider picking up the book by Robert Glover. He literally wrote the book on nice guys. Appropriately called: No more Mr. nice guy. (Amazon link)
Don’t be a nice guy
I think the symptoms and video you can see above are enough to convince anyone that being a nice guy is not great.
If you’re a nice guy you might be liked to a certain degree but your “niceness” will also likely be abused by people. You think they really appreciate who you are but, they just like what you do for them.
It’s a trap!
The nice guy sets a trap for people. He expects to be rewarded for doing nice things. Then he expects to get something in return.
Most people see through it pretty quickly however and trap the nice guy in return. They will give him attention as long as he does things that benefit them. Once the nice guy has served his purpose, he will be discarded since his only purpose was his “nice” actions.
Women are pretty much allergic to this behavior and will put the nice guy in the so called “friend zone” or avoid contact altogether.
You don’t have to be a jerk, you just shouldn’t expect anything in return for being kind to people. If you’re expecting a reward, you’re not actually being nice.
Be a gentleman
In my opinion you’ll have much better results in life being a gentleman.
A nice guy is a very different animal from a gentleman.
The two do sometimes get confused however. This is kind of understandable since; “gentle” is close in meaning to “nice” and “man” is close in meaning to “guy”.
In reality the two words do mean something very different.
What’s the difference?
While a gentleman is not exactly the only alternative to being a nice guy, it is a good one.
A gentleman is kind but also strong when necessary. While a nice guy wants other’s to give him recognition and attention for being nice, a gentleman does what he thinks is right.
Some things a gentleman does differently;
- He takes responsibility for his own life and decisions.
- Doesn’t put other people down.
- He is well behaved and polite.
- Is trying to improve himself.
- Doesn’t expect anything in return for acting nice.
- Has goals for his life and working to reach them.
- Isn’t bothered too much by rejection.
In the end, the gentleman will probably have better life with people around him that aren’t using him.
Respect yourself and respect others
To go from nice guy to gentleman, you’ll have to make a change in your mindset.
For more articles about the masculine mindset, click here.
The most important thing a nice guy has to change in his mindset is how he respects himself and others.
- Respect yourself enough not to lie to yourself about your behavior. Stopping lying to yourself might be painful but it’s necessary.
- Respect yourself enough to admit you might need to improve some things in your life.
- Respect yourself enough to do what YOU want instead of trying to please others.
- Respect others enough to see them as people. Not vending machines you get something out of when you put something in.
As I wrote before; You don’t have to be a jerk, you just shouldn’t expect anything in return for being kind to people. If you’re expecting a reward, you’re not actually being nice.
If you liked this, here are a few other articles you might be interested in.
- The Masculine Mindset: It’s OK to be a man
- Masculine Mindset: Realize you can always improve
- Gentleman skills: Introduction
Hi there. I’m BetterDaily. I’m a man in his early thirties that likes to travel, ride motorcycles, work out and write. Usually I write about men, things related to masculinity and things men like. Teacher by day, blogger by night.