A big part of adopting a masculine mindset is to not give a F***. I can imagine you’ve got several questions when reading this. Why would you do that, and how? Keep reading and find out.
This article is one of a series about the masculine mindset. Check out some other articles that deal with this topic;
- Introduction to the masculine mindset
- Realize you can improve
- It’s OK to be a Masculine Man
Back to the topic at hand;
So a masculine man shouldn’t care about anything? Well, the sentence in the title is not quite complete but it sounds better this way.
Actually a more complete way of describing it would be; “Don’t give a F*** about what anybody thinks of you.”
That’s a big difference. There are plenty of things you should care about. What (most) other people think of you should not be high on the list of things you care about.
You shouldn’t care about what other’s think of;
- Your car
- Your house
- Your career choice
- Holiday destination
So why should you not care about what other people think about you?
There are several reasons for this;
You should have goals in your life. You do what you have to do to reach those goals. Things that distract you from reaching your targets should not be cared about.
For example; You want to buy a house without needing a mortgage. That means you’ll have to save a lot and be careful with your money.
That means you shouldn’t care what your neighbors think of your old car. It’s not your goal to show your neighbors you can afford a new car.
In 10 years you might have a paid off house while your neighbors are still paying interest on their mortgage and car loans for the next 20 years. Who will be better off in the end?
I holds you back
How many people around you have the life you would like to live? Who would you like to trade places with? Probably very few.
You should have your own goals and have a plan how to reach them.
If you’re making decisions based on the opinion of people you don’t want to trade places with, you’re never going to reach your goals. You’re just doing it to please those other people.
This is a recipe for a failed life. I’ve written about pleasing other’s in this article about independence. Check it out here. (link)
Caring too much about the opinion of other’s will hold you back in life. It will likely prevent you from reaching your goals.
Who actually cares about you?
Put it in perspective
As long as you’re not a celebrity, 99.99% of the people in this world will never think about you and have no opinion about you. You also never think about them.
All those billions of people are already unimportant to you and you to them. That’s a whole lot of people you don’t have to care about already.
There are very few people in this world who actually have an opinion about you and your behaviors.
Does it matter what people think?
So there are some people that care about what you think. Does it matter what they think?
There are two different types of people that care about you. Some people actually want the best for you and they think they know what’s best for you.
Other people just don’t want you to become more successful than them and want you to make the same mistakes they did. Or have some other selfish reason to want to hold you back.
Try to figure out who is which. Obviously you should completely ignore the opinion of the latter group. The first group might have some things you should keep in mind.
Your goals for your life could be completely different than those people have in mind however. If that is the case, you shouldn’t care about their opinion either.
Sometimes you SHOULD care
Most likely, you live in some sort of a society or social group. There are situations or people you should care about.
But it is really situational.
You probably should care about if your family has enough to eat and a roof over their head. You should care what your boss thinks about you if your goal is to get a promotion.
There are also things you should care about if you would like to stay accepted by your social group.
The decisive factor
In my opinion, there is one question you should ask yourself to be able to decide if you should care about something.
“Does caring about this bring me closer to my goals?”
If it does then go for it. If it doesn’t bring you closer to your goals than you should ignore it.
So if your goals include you being a part of your social group, doing some things can be part of your goals.
Other people have no interest in being a part of something. That’s your choice, it probably makes reaching your other goals easier since you only have to care about yourself.
In the end it always comes back to your goals.
How can I stop caring?
As often the case, it’s easier said than done. How can you stop caring about things that are not important?
Most people don’t even realize they are making decisions based on what other people think of them. Start thinking about decisions you are making. Are you buying an item because it will change your status? Are you keeping a job because it makes your parents happy?
Why are you doing/not doing certain things. Once you start realizing the influence other’s opinions have over you, you can start to do something about it. You want to live your own life, not someone else’s.
Know why you do something
You should have goals in your life. Once you have goals, you should make a plan. There are things you’ll have to do to follow the plan and reach your goals.
Once you know these things, it becomes much easier to not care about other’s opinions. You know why you’re doing a certain thing. What the other people would like you to do is not conducive to that goal so you shouldn’t care about it.
To do something that goes against what other people think is “correct”, requires confidence.
You should trust yourself to make correct decisions. Decisions that bring you closer to reaching your goals. This takes some time to develop. Once you start seeing your life going in the right direction, it becomes much easier.
Before that happens, you’ll have to take some risks. Starting that business nobody thinks you can run. Moving to a different part of the country or world or anything else that is part of your plans.
It can be really scary to do this without the support of others around you but if you don’t do it, you’ll never reach your goals.
Play the game
Most people don’t want to become social outcasts. Realize that sometimes you’ll have to do something you don’t like to reach your goals.
Let’s say you don’t want to do any grooming. But, your goal is to be a successful salesperson. Your clients are probably not very likely to buy something from a guy that looks like a bum.
There are some societal games you have to play to be able to reach your goals. Just know WHY you’re doing something.
The things written above might sound pretty Machiavellian. It doesn’t have to be that way though.
If there are some things your moral compass tell you to do, then you should do them of course. I’m not telling you to only care about yourself and let all other people fall. Just be aware if your moral compass actually tells you something or if it’s the perceived opinion of other people. Those are two different things. One you should listen to, to make a decision, the other you shouldn’t.
Hi there. I’m BetterDaily. I’m a man in his early thirties that likes to travel, ride motorcycles, work out and write. Usually I write about men, things related to masculinity and things men like. Teacher by day, blogger by night.